fatigue

well where do i begin? if you couldn't tell from the title of this piece i am chronically tired. i know the reason for this, i think. for the past 7 years i have owned and operated a pre-school and day care outside of my home. (it seemed like a great opportunity when it was presented to me, but i have come to realize that assumption was wrong.)
add to that being a mother of 5, grandmother of 2, and wife of 25 years to a navy man who has been deployed twice since i have bought the business. it all adds up to one exhausted me.
i work approx. 50-60 hours a week, although i have 3 full time employees, the need still arises for me to be involved in the daily operations of the center. the silly part about my hours are that in seven years i have not paid myself once. there is simply not enough money to pay the staff, bills, mtg, etc... and myself. so along with the fatigue,, i am broke!
with the stress from my job and my inability to lately be the kind of mom i want to be for my youngest 2 kids, it is really dragging me down. my older 3 children pretty much had my undivided attention. i had part time jobs, if any, and spent the majority of my time teaching them and raising them to be the great adults and teen they are. my youngest 2 kids are only 21 months apart, and my son was born 3 months after i bought my business. so they have both been raised watching mommy work all day, and although they were with me in the same building, i did not have the opportunities to spend the quality time with them that i did the other kids. it has caused me some real pain and grief as a mom knowing that. and i can see the difference too in my children.
lately i have been struggling with thoughts of selling and getting out of business, and saying goodbye to the stress and tired mind and body. i don't know what holds me back, fear of some sort i guess. sometimes i don't think i could function without my stress, and the severe fatigue i feel daily. i honestly believe i would shrivel up and croak.
so i suppose i will continue the daily grind. choke down my doses of anxiety, and count the hours until i can flop my weary bones in a bed, where by the way,,, i do not sleep,,, i only ponder what the next day will bring, and watch the clock creep closer to the time of alarms ringing.
some day maybe i will have enough fortitude to say goodbye to it all, and be a regular mom for a while before its too late.